Obfuscating Stupidity
by CrimsonAccent
Summary: 'Good thing I'm left handed. Though if I die of lead poisoning, I'll kill them, dream-vision from my dead best friend be damned.'Kakashi recieves a small push the night before meeting his genin. This time, all of Team 7 are caught carrying the idiot ball


**I swore I wouldn't do this. I said I was done with Naruto. I _lied._ The majority of this chapter was written over a year and a half ago...so if you spot any major changes in writing style or if its jarring somewhere, let me know. I'll be incorporating some of my more brilliant ideas from my dead fic Switch that were never used. I'm actually combining several compatible story lines...so if its not working, give me a heads up. **

Chapter 1: Terrorizing

A man was thrashing. By shinobi standards anyway. The covers of the bed were rumpled and twisted; a result of the jounin's twisting and turning. A small whimper elicited from his throat. A light sweat coated his skin, making his clothing damp and stick to him. His fists were balled-maybe strangling an invisible foe?

Then he stiffened, ramrod straight. Every muscle was frozen, paralyzed. Perhaps by fear? Even his breathing seemed to come to a halt. No moonlight shone in (for there was only a single window, away from his bed and covered by a curtain) to illuminate his face, making it impossible to discern his features. Several minutes ticked by, unusually slow. Finally the moment passed and he relaxed, turning on his side, curling slightly. A whoosh of air escaped his lips, and his entire body seemed to deflate, as he exhaled in presumed relief.

Now near silence reigned as his breathing settled into a steady pace of someone sleeping. He had the luxury of a raised bed and a soft pillow and warm blanket. Most often the rough bark of a tree was a shinobi's only comfort, and many civilians in the small out-laying villages surrounding Konoha most residents slept on futon. Or floor mats….It largely depended on how poor or rundown it was.

For the most part the room was bare, containing few hints to the mystery jounin's personality. A shelf was tucked in the corner and filled with books and scrolls. Some were serious, filled with jutsu theory, battle tactics, and maps of the land. Some were just for pleasure, romantic sappy novels and porn and the like. And some, while a good amount were dog-eared, had a layer of dust and looked like they were to remain untouched.

There were two doors and a short hallway. One led presumably to the outside of the apartment flat and the other a closet full of clothes. The hall led to a small kitchen and bathroom. The apartment was small and rather bare, and didn't have an "obvious" lived in look. It was more subtle. A breakfast plate left on a table after a late night, a spare scroll lying on the floor forgotten. At times you could spot a shadow through the curtains.

Not that many curious neighbors were around. To peek in or anything. He lived in one of the nicer places, but the whole building was filled with fellow jounin and ex-ANBU, so most people (if not half-insane) tended to mind their own business.

Hours passed, with little of note occurring. Finally the sun began to rise, and as the sun's rays began to peek through the curtain, he awoke. The light cast a gentle glow on the rather lifeless room and revealed his features: immediately noticed was his hair, a light silver-grey caused not by age, but genetics. It stuck up by at an odd angle and he did little to tame it. One eye was an extremely dark brown and appeared almost a solid black depending on the angle and light. The other was shut and a scar ran across the eyelid vertically. Casually (he wasn't due for another mission for awhile) he sat up and cricked his neck. Yawning and stretching, it was obvious that he was no body-builder but by no means out of shape. He was…wiry and lank with little to no bulk.

Any shinobi worth his salt could name him on sight-Kakashi, the son of the Legendary White Fang and a small legend in his own right. His monikers were centered on his single Sharingan eye. Quite a few of the ladies knew of him as well. Thus why he usually wore a mask in public and while on missions-plus it was fun messing with people's minds. Kakashi was a rather private person and eluded the public eye, preferring to be mysterious. More subtly he liked to throw off his opponents on a primal level. He wasn't quite aware of it as a child, but people largely deduce things from sight. Looking up, expecting to see a face and then spotting nothing but a single laughing eye…Kakashi admitted it was childish, but masking his words was also helpful in hindering lip readers and had a legitimate reasoning.

Unusually grim, he rose with a serious air and shuffled into the kitchen and set a pot of water on the stove to boil. Kakashi needed to think and calm down; rushing off on a wild impulse would do no good. And while thinking, he liked to drink tea. He retrieved the cracked mug from the cupboard, dumped in the tea leaves carelessly and sat down.

Last night's dream had been…disturbing. Kakashi couldn't quite recall how it had began, like most dreams it had just slid smoothly from one thing to another, even if it would seem abrupt in reality. The point was he had ended up face to face with his childhood friend, Obito. He had been understandingly shocked-Obito had been dead for over ten years- and sat down. Hard. Conveniently a stump happened to be there. It was a comfy stump. Kakashi found the whole thing eerie-most dreams, however lifelike, still had the nagging dream feeling. Deep in the back of his mind, he could comfort himself knowing it wasn't real.

This wasn't like that at all.

He had been able to see his friend in complete detail-down to the scrapes and bruises his friend always seemed to acquire. Of course he had been plagued by nightmares of his death, crushed by a rock. But even in the strange dreams that were merely flashbacks of training with his team Obito was scar less and in perfect health-a complete give away that it was merely his subconscious. Obito had simply grinned and gestured impatiently telling him to sit down.

Then, true to form, Kakashi had replied rather snippily that he was already sitting down and Obito was even a bigger idiot in death than he thought if he couldn't see that.

"I'm not the jerk that's been ignoring sensei's kid."

That had cut him off short, and told him that this dream wasn't merely for banter. It was business.

Obito had leaned forward earnestly then. "Kakashi you've got to start taking things more seriously." He paused politely, probably waiting for a reply, but the shock of it all rendered him mute. "Anyway, I've been watching out for you, ya know? Instead of hanging out in the district with the rest of them."

"But…wait. This isn't just a dream? You…You're real?" Kakashi asked in disbelief.

His dead friend nodded patiently. "I thought we'd already established this. You're a little slow on the uptake."

"It's not every day that I talk to my dead teammates."

Obito waved it away, suddenly impatient. "Yeah, yeah. Listen I told you I've been watching, right? Well I came here to tell you bad things are going to be happening, and you have an opportunity to make up for past mistakes. You need to seize this chance!" He said frantically. "You understand, right?" He had asked him, suddenly worried.

"I...I… yes. I get it."

Things had gotten fuzzy then, and he found himself drifting away, unable to control things again.

Of course now he was here, and trying what to make of the whole situation. Kakashi would have dismissed it as a silly dream if not for the small leaf he'd found clutched in his hands. Fresh and full of life, not withered and dry like he expected after a night of being crumpled in his fist. He didn't keep any plants in the house, and he knew if someone had invaded his house to play an elaborate prank on him-and it worked-he had bigger problems than his friend's spirit talking to him via a dream.

Being told off for ignoring Naruto was understandable. Kakashi wasn't proud, but he admitted to not doing everything he could. The jounin never deliberately turned a blind eye as some had attempted to do on guard duty-and he sent the boy a small bit of pocket money every now and then, anonymously of course. His faults lay in never reaching out and being actively kind. He just passively was. Kakashi didn't go out of his way to hunt down the boy and be nice to him. He was no good at comforting a small child.

The years had started going by, and Naruto had grown up.

Or at least made genin. They meant the same thing in his mind. It was the age of independence and living alone. The beginning of the end-the end of another life..

'_Great._' he thought sardonically, '_Now I'm personalizing things_.'

Kakashi the shinobi didn't personalize things.

Actually, Kakashi the person tended to not personalize things either.

These bonds to people…they ran through deeper than he thought they would. He had thought _(hoped)_ that it would have ended with the Fourth. His incident with Obito proved that his experiment with relating, interacting with people, had failed _(crashed and burned)_ ludicrously. It seemed entirely rationalized (justified) that he cut himself off from others-he clearly wasn't cut out for being a human being. Better just to stay out of the way so he wouldn't hurt anyone (or be hurt), Kakashi was a courteous person after all.

Apparently these things didn't work like that though. Sensei -stupid all-knowing sensei- had transferred his relationship to the next generation. Forcing _(letting)_ him into a situation where he would properly punished _(given a chance to rectify mistakes)_ for his actions.

"Dammit. I'm going to have to pass them now." Kakashi realized, resting his head in his hand.

For once he had a genuine excuse for being late.

White Fang's son had some intense planning sessions ahead of him.

* * *

><p>"Kakashi, can you please tell me <em>why<em> you are late?" Sarutobi asked, exasperated.

He was used to the man being a late-it was a given- and accepted it as just an eccentricity. Annoying, yes, but he showed up on time when it really counted and Kakashi was one of his best shinobi. Secretly, the ridiculous excuses amused him and he would laugh later when there were no witnesses around.

But five hours was pushing it.

Even for him.

By now, Sarutobi had dismissed all the other jounin, who had returned hours earlier reported whether or not they'd passed a team. So far only two had met the standards: A fresh jounin, Kurenai (he remembered what nice little illusions she could weave, even as a girl) was taking her first team, comprising of the Hyuuga heiress (Hinata) and young Inuzuka and his faithful canine, and a stoic Aburame. His own-somewhat estranged-son, Asuma had taken a second team in what had been dubbed the classic "Ino-Shika-Chou" trio. It had worked the generation previously, and Sarutobi hoped for similar results.

"Planning how to turn them into ninja."

It wasn't until the flippant remark of "And I suppose you'll be teaching them Squirrel Style." had left his mouth, did he realize Kakashi was dead serious.

Sarutobi reassessed his jounin carefully-no need to hurry, no enemies were visibly on the horizon, yet- There was no twitch or any other give away to hidden mirth. Kakashi was in "mission-mode" and didn't plan on backing down. He leveled his gaze with Kakashi, and brought his hands together in front of him interlacing his fingers. "I see. Your reasoning?"

"I owe it to them. And they could be damn good."

"Any of the other teams you failed had the potential for success."

"Well…I also received a bit of advice from a friend." He said evasively.

Sarutobi didn't detect a hint of lying in his body language, but something still bothered his instincts. Luckily his mind knew what his gut did not. Kakashi was nervous…flustered. The jounin had met his eyes earnestly with a flame of passion he hadn't seen in _years _smoldering there, but averted his gaze with his last statement. Sarutobi knew he wasn't being entirely truthful.

"I'm taking a bit of a chance with you."

"I know."

Sarutobi ran over the various options in his mind. Really his hands were tied: Sasuke was the "last" loyal Uchiha and though he didn't have any preferential treatment (in theory, it was impossible to control the civilians and every single teacher) it wouldn't be a favorable outcome to fail him. It was a complete waste of potential. Naruto ran in the same vein-Jinchuuriki were too rare and useful to _not_ use. He was the Hokage and held ultimate power but politically it wouldn't be in his best interests. Those two just couldn't become civilians and he had to place them under someone trustworthy.

Given the chance, Danzo would take them in one fell swoop.

Sakura didn't have this protection. Danzo had no use for her and would more than likely arrange an "accident" if he could to make sure all his bases were covered. Either that or take her as ransom-a parent would pay anything- or just gain another drone. But perhaps he should stop being so gruesome. Realism was an important aspect of the job, but so was thinking positively. Leaders could not lead if they could not inspire.

His hands were tied. It looked like Kakashi would get his way-for now. But maybe this would be for the better. If all four of them could form a solid bond. Sakura was a young girl who needed loyal friends, like anyone else, and Sasuke and Naruto had deep emotional wounds. Sarutobi refused to acknowledge this could also be his greatest disaster.

"Well, why are you still here then? Go find your genin." Sarutobi said (hiding his amusement) and waved the man away.

* * *

><p>"Ugh! Where is he? This is ridiculous!" She finally blew and threw her hands in the air, pacing furiously.<p>

Sakura had cracked after four hours of sitting in the empty classroom. The boys watched with rapt attention as she lost her temper. It was a bit of a spectacle.

An hour and a half earlier Naruto had grown bored (he was always a bit antsy and grew fidgety after sitting still for so long-nowhere for the energy to go) and set up a prank for their very deserving sensei. By now all three of the genin had agreed that he deserved it. The blond had found a stool and dragged it over to the sliding door and stuck a chalky eraser in the door. Once he walked in…"Poof"…it would be perfect.

Now even Sasuke was considering on adding on to the evolving plot. He felt their jounin sensei needed to pay for wasting their time. _His_ time.

"Um, Sakura-chan?" Naruto ventured cautiously. As Sakura rounded on him, Sasuke thought he was an idiot, and the blond himself seemed to be wondering if it was a bad idea.

She scowled. "What?" The pink haired girl looked like she was fixing to hit him. Rapidly he backed up and waved his hands.

"I..I…" Naruto stuttered. He seemed lost for words.

Sakura's face darkened in anger. "Idiot!"

"Owwww." The blond whined, cradling his head.

She looked ready for round two.

Sasuke sighed. This is why he didn't like Sakura. She was too bi-polar. Still, he should probably help the idiot out. "Lay off."

"W-what, Sasuke-kun?" She appeared suddenly abashed and blushed. Naruto looked up at him squinting.

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Was she deaf? If she was so hung up on him, why did Sasuke have to repeat himself? "I said lay off." He said again, eyes narrowing.

Sakura seemed dumbfounded, but nodded mutely. Naruto just glared and said nothing. His message was clear to Sasuke: "Don't think I owe you for this." The blond was just too stubborn to admit that he'd done him a favor. Sasuke had saved him from even more (more) brain damage. That was okay, the Uchiha was keeping score, and he would pull out favors whether the dobe liked it or not.

"So," and Sasuke wondered why he was the one keeping up the conversation, "What about that prank?"

Revenge was sweet indeed.

Sasuke figured he needed the practice. Itachi had been plotting evilly for years. It really was an unfair advantage.

At the change of conversation, Naruto perked up. Predictably, Sasuke thought. Sakura's interest was also sparked. Turns out she wasn't that put out at being scolded and was just as eager to make that man pay.

The blond was clearly in his element, apparently not dissuaded by Sakura's earlier violence. He leaned forward, a little too close for Sasuke's liking. "Ok so, there isn't a lot of stuff here." He observed, surveying the room in mild disapproval. "But there is still plenty of material. We just have to improvise." Oddly enough, despite the twinkle in his eyes, this was the most serious Sasuke (or Sakura) had ever seen him.

"Like what?" See there was the bi-polarness again. Her curiosity was peeked and anger forgotten.

He smirked, clearly in his element. "Well, tape of course." Naruto gestured to the abandoned teachers' desk in the front of the room. "And anything that's been confiscated. Plus," he ducked down under a desk and then popped up again triumphantly, "old gum and trash." The blond held out his hand, a smoke bomb lying in his palm.

"Trash?" Sasuke asked incredulously. People seriously left smoke bombs lying around? Suddenly Naruto was looking less and less like an idiot. Maybe Sasuke's team was actually competent.

He shuddered when the thought was processed. Now _that _was scary.

"Yeah, but it's good for us." Naruto pointed out. Sakura was marveling at how stupid people were and like Sasuke was realizing having Naruto on her team wasn't that bad.

It could be worse.

She brought her hands together, and clapped, all of the sudden filled with vigor and an urge to prank. Sakura imagined this was how evil villians felt as their plans fell into place. Now, all she needed was some well-timed (and placed) lightning and henchmen... "Let's get going boys!"

* * *

><p>Kakashi briefly wondered if he should apologize for being late. And just as quickly, he dismissed the thought, wondering why he'd even considered it. These were his genin after all, his future henchman. Patience would be a good lesson for them to learn. After all, they had probably bonded amazingly in the past five or so hours.<p>

The jounin had chosen to leave his lesson plans-inwardly he winced, he was sounding like some chuunin instructor fresh from the exams-at his apartment for several reasons. For one, he had an excellent memory, and implementing part one wasn't that complicated. Second of all, he didn't want the valuable information to fall into enemy hands. He couldn't let the other rookies get an advantage over his team. Kakashi wasn't fond of people, but if they were to be his team, they would be the best.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, he wanted to look damn cool. Looking lame, in hindsight, probably should have been his least priority, but Kakashi had some pride. And first impressions _were_ important.

The idea that they might have gotten off on a bad foot because of his tardiness was simply unthinkable.

As soon as he arrived at the almost-empty classroom he paused to scope out the perimeter.

Inside, Kakashi could sense three distinct chakras. The smallest and least familar to him must have been the lone girl, Haruno Sakura. During his mad planning session, he'd looked at all their dossiers (information was crucial to a shinobi after all) and broken into more private records, such as those kept at the hospital. So he could easily rattle off the basic facts about all of his team. Height, weight, blood type, muscle to fat ratio, hair color, eye color, and the last time any of them had come down with the flu.

It could not be said that Hatake Kakashi came unprepared.

And yet, soon he would be totally blindsided.

The girl's chakra was insubstantial and totally undeveloped. This wasn't to say she was a civilian (they were barely noted on his radar along with mice, insects, and other insubstantial things) but he could hazard a guess that she'd kept her training to the bare minimum. The girl simply wasn't familar with her chakra at all yet. He was vaguely disappointed; Kakashi knew his own chakra like an old friend. It had been his only constant on the battlefield.

So in otherwords, for nearly all his life.

Or at least the part that mattered.

His analysis took five seconds. Within a single moment he moved onto one of the boys. Uchiha Sasuke, yes, his chakra was that firey brand associated with his clan name. Not chaotic as fire was, nor destructive (the madness hadn't set in yet, though the seeds were already sown), but it had that same light and warmth of the given element. He also noticed the tight control the boy had on his energy. It was clamped down.

This boy had far too tight a hold on his chakra.

It was dangerous, in fact.

Most people had the opposite problem. But not this kid. It would be his job to teach the kid how to be _loose._

Kakashi barely restrained the childish urge to sigh. That was best left for the privacy of his apartment.

The former Anbu Captain, contrary to popular belief, could not do the impossible, and it was impossible to ignore Naruto. His third student's chakra was chaotic to the extreme. It was naturally flighty-Kakashi pegged him as a wind type-and only egged on by the demonic energy it mingled with. The kid's chakra was muddied thanks to his tenant. Unlike Sasuke's and even Sakura's chakra that burned clear and bright, Naruto's chakra was at war with itself.

The jounin certainly had his work cut out for himself.

Ten second assessment complete, he edged open the door, preparing his "nice face". At the last minute, he remembered he was dealing with fresh genin (that just qualified as not-civilians) and switched gears. Kakashi had nearly forgotten he wasn't dealing with prisoners.

Like many shinobi, he had a highly honed sixth sense. Enemies had a penchant with trying to kill him with flying objects or with an attack from above, so he had no problem sensing the eraser heading for his face. Kakashi debated going for the pretending-to-be-a-dumbass strategy, but decided they didn't deserve that level of mind fuckery...yet. So instead, he wowed them with his quick reflexes, snatching the offending missile from the air and whipping it back at the pink-haired girl.

Except for the smoke bomb obscuring his vision and the layer of tape in the way.

On the way in he also stepped on some thumbtacks.

They didn't penetrate the sole of his sandals, but they put him off balance and were a pain in the ass to pull out later.

Kakashi blinked as a hail of broken pencils headed his way. Or rather, shadows came his way. Not all of the haze in the room had dissipated, but once again his instincts kicked in. Kakashi discovered the were pencils when one bounced off his headband with a _clang_ and another embedded itself in his left palm.

_'Good thing I'm left handed. Though if I die of lead poisoning, I'll kill them, dream-vision from my dead best friend be damned.'_

Waiting for the smoke to clear, he settled into his usual slouch, and pulled on a disinterested face.

Naruto (the one behind the scheme, no doubt) had a face-splitting grin on his face that loosened into something less painful but no less disturbing-the smile of a madman. He was clutching his sides and practically crying with laughter. The blond seemed to have no fear of his wrath. While Kakashi appreciated guts and tenacity, he would drill the concept of respecting his jounin-sensei into his thick skull if that was the only thing he could teach the young prankster before someone on the team died.

Sakura looked wary (obviously she had no past experience with rule-breaking or opposing authority figures, and he would have to change that) but was clearly amused and trying to hide her giggling. The muffled noises escaped as several unlady-like snorts. Hesitantly she turned to Naruto and shared a victory smile. That seemed to melt her earlier resolve and she let out a single bark of laughter, settling him with a vindictive look. Not that she had the nerve to hold it for long.

Last was Sasuke, who was trying to maintain his aloof demeanor, but Kakashi wasn't fooled. Uchiha I'm-too-cool-for-this Sasuke was clearly biting his cheek to stifle any outward signs of amusement. What bothered him was the dismissive glance he was given. That simply would not do. These brats had to realize that they were _his_ and life as a ninja wasn't pretty. Not that either one of the boys didn't already know that...really, Sasuke's problem involved interacting with people and his inherited arrogance.

For dramatic effect, he casually ripped the pencil out of his hand, thankful for his mask. It made it that much easier to appear stoic. Flinching would have totally wrecked the whole badass routine he was executing. Given the sudden silence, he was pleased with it's effect. Now that he had their full attention, what to say?

Hmm. Kakashi took in the room as he considered his options. Mizuki's desk had clearly been ransacked for supplies-all the drawers were hanging out pathetically and papers were all over the place. The rest of the room looked like something out of a fantasy of someone with a spider fetish. Tape was everywhere, snaking from the desks to the windows to the ceiling at impossible angles. His three students stood in the only safe spots in the classroom.

He glanced at his hand, feigning ignorance. "Oh, look at that, a flesh wound." Flicking his hand in their direction, he was amused to see Sakura blanch-someone wasn't familar with blood. A few flecks of the liquid soared across the room and speckled one of the desks. Oh well. It wasn't as if Mizuki were coming back.

"That's what you deserve for wasting our time." Sasuke countered. Interesting. He would've thought that Naruto would be the first to respond.

Sakura followed her crush's lead, nodding and blushing. "Are you _sure_ you're a jounin?" Naruto asked doubtfully. His arms were crossed and his eyes were narrowed into fox-like slits.

"Very." He said cheerfully.

And then he proceeded to blast them all with killing intent.

Sasuke froze and seemed to be experience some sort of flashback. Kakashi supposed he'd just triggered some violent PTSD induced memory. Oops. Well, the kid would have to get used to it if he were to get anywhere in this type of life, all of them would. The jounin refused to baby or coddle. A small whimper drew his attention to the sole girl. Her limbs her trembling. To be more accurate, her entire frame was quivering, and her eyes were wide, pupils reduced to mere pinpricks.

Maybe he should have toned it down for that one...

Nah.

Naruto, not all the shockingly, seemed to take it the best.

If he counted semi-hyperventilating as improvement. Unlike the others, he hadn't completely lost himself in the spell. His fists were clenched and he seemed on the verge of passing out from too much oxygen, but he didn't seem all that surprised or betrayed. Not like Sakura, who never knew how to _not_ trust an adult, or Sasuke who only thought one man capable of evil.

In Kakashi's eyes, Naruto had taken it the best.

Others might argue that Sasuke had, merely freezing instead of trembling like the others, but Kakashi had different standards. His theories had been proven again and again on the battlefield and so he painted his decree with the blood of idiots.

Satisfied with his assessment, he stopped with the killer intent. He'd have to ask them what they saw later.

_And this is why I have strange dreams._ A tiny voice mused. Naturally, Kakashi ignored it.

Sakura hadn't stopped shaking, and was openly sobbing now. He frowned. Maybe he'd have to consult Ibiki later. He hadn't meant to _break _the girl. Kakashi assessed the rest of his genin swiftly. The boys seemed to be holding up better than their female counterpart. Naruto had recovered first, giving a wounded stare of confusion, but didn't seemed surprised that on adult had just randomly scared the shit out of them (seemingly) for his own cruel amusement. Sasuke was taken aback, but was quickly settling into a glare.

"Lesson 1: Never underestimate the enemy. Or allie. Or anyone for that matter. Appearances are decieving."

Hmm. He gave them an eye-smile. Teaching wasn't that hard.

Not at all.

* * *

><p><strong>Guess who's back? That horrible person who <em>didn't finish.<em> I'm making no promises with this one. It is my "I have writers block fic" and will be updated at random. So probably once a month at minimum. But, hey, _long chapter_, right? So read and review and all that jazz, if you have time :)**

**4/5/11**


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